VHCF: Law & Order chapter
by ave-mah
Summary: Victims of HurtComfort Fanfiction. Even fictional charaters need support groups...This takes place before the meeting one day


Explanation: A few years ago I came up with the idea of a support group for characters who had been severely injured or traumatized by fanfiction. This is technically not a cross-over piece as it takes place in that alternate universe where all fictional characters live. This means they can run into each other at any point in time. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: not even sure I own my imagination at this point; all parties belong to their original creators.

Warning: This is meant to be humorous—please do not take personally. If you don't have a sense of humor, do not read. Better not be eating or drinking anything while reading either.

The Victims of Hurt/Comfort Fanfiction, Law and Order Chapter

Young Obi-Wan (age 14) ran down the hallway, distraught. He could barely see where he was going, vision blurred with tears. "I can't believe they did it again," he chanted, almost a mantra. He only knew he had to get to a place where he would be safe, a place where people understood.

"Whoa, hold on there!" a sharp-looking black man with a short ponytail and a goatee intercepted Obi-Wan. "What's the matter?"

"They did it again, they did it again," was all he could say.

'It's ok, boy. What's your name?"

"I-I'm Obi-Wan. Kenobi"

"Kenobi? Sounds Italian." A tall thin man with grey hair had joined the first one. Obi-Wan struggled to get himself under control. Remember your Jedi training he told himself.

The first man spoke again. "I'm Detective Tutuola, you can call me Fin. This is my partner, Detective Munch. Can you tell us who's after you?"

Obi-Wan shook his head helplessly. "They caught my master, they're doing terrible things to him!"

"Maybe you better bring him in here," a woman suggested. Fin pulled Obi-Wan into a classroom, much like the one he'd been in a few weeks before. It was full of men, mostly, with a few women. Most were sitting on the desks, some were standing in small groups. Obi-Wan thought some of them were dressed more casually than others, but the style of dress was unfamiliar. They all looked concerned when they saw Fin and Munch bring him in. Fin found him a chair, and the woman who'd spoken before brought him something to drink.

"Hi," the woman said, sitting in front of him. "I'm Olivia. Can you tell us what happened?"

"They cut off my braid again!" he wailed, holding up his Padawan braid for all to see. "I can't defend myself against those-- those-- WRITERS!"

The adults all looked concerned. "Those wouldn't be fanfiction writers, would they?" Another man, older and balding, approached them. "I'm Captain Cragen. We'll do what we can to help you."

Obi-Wan gulped. "Yes. They have my master, I don't know what they're doing to him!"

"Your master?" There was concern in his voice. "Were you enslaved?"

'No, nothing like that. I'm a Padawan, a Jedi apprentice. I have a master who teaches me the ways of the Force."

"Like a mentor?" Another man approached. This one was dressed in black with a blue shirt, with a strip of red striped material tied around his neck. He looked somewhat younger than Captain Cragen. He crouched down so he could look Obi-Wan in the eye. "I'm Bobby. Do you know how you got here?"

"Y-yes. A couple weeks ago my master brought me to a meeting of the Victims of Hurt/Comfort Fanfiction, the Star Wars chapter. I remembered how to get here. I thought if I could just get away from them... But now they have Qui-Gon. I have to help him! But I don't know how!" Obi-Wan dissolved in tears.

Across the room, Alexandra Eames watched as the boy broke down. She shook her head and walked over to them. "Hey, buddy boys, you want to give the kid some air?" She pushed Fin and Munch aside, and then made Bobby, her own partner, go stand in the corner. "You don't get to be the bright boy today, Bobby," she told him bluntly. "There's already too much of that Bobby/Alex crap roaming around the internet."

"The Benson/Stabler stuff isn't that great either," Olivia volunteered. Alex agreed. Since Olivia and her partner Elliot Stabler had been around longer, there was more of that fluffy fanfic about them. Even though Elliot was married! Sick. Those fanfic writers were all sick.

Fin spoke up. "I can take care of the kid, why don't you ladies go see if you can find his mentor?"

"Hey, I'm the Captain here," Captain Cragen spoke up.

"No, I have seniority, and this is definitely a Major Case," Alex's own Captain, Jim Deakins, spoke up from where he was talking to a group of District Attorneys.

Alex glanced at Olivia. "While the buddy boys are figuring out who gets to take this case, why don't you and I go solve it?" Olivia agreed, and out they went.

The two women, one tall and dark, the other petite and blonde, walked warily down the hallway, back the direction the boy had come from.

"Of course, you know this is going to open up a world of slash fanfic for you and me," Olivia said.

"It's already out there. I can feel my skin crawling every time they write it down."

They came to another classroom and heard the sound of voices inside. Alex gave Olivia a look that said "should we investigate?" Olivia shook her head 'no' and pointed to the sign on the door: "LOST VHCF, room 815" "Looks like there's a new chapter," she whispered. They moved on. In another room they found a few members of the Hardball and MacGuyver Chapters. Fanfic writers had mostly left them alone once their shows had gone off the air, but there was an occasional outbreak. They had combined their meetings to save space.

"I didn't realize how far-flung this fanfiction thing was," Olivia said. "I thought trying to catch the perps in our shows was tough--catching all the perps the fanfic writers come up with, that's impossible!"

Alex nodded. "And these are just the shows that have some basis in reality. The science-fiction genre has the building reserved three times a week--one for Star Wars, one for Star Trek, and one for all the others."

"So what's the LOST group doing meeting tonight? That's hardly reality,"

"I guess they ran out of room on the other nights."

A sudden shout split the air. "Obi-Wan! Padawan, where are you?" An older man with long dark hair dressed in some sort of tunic and a dark robe topped the stairs at the end of the hallway. Both women drew their weapons, and the man slowed, pulling what appeared to be a handle off of his belt. "I'm looking for a teenaged boy, 14 years of age. Have you seen him?"

He seemed polite enough, but the women didn't want to take any chances. "Who are you?" Alex asked.

"I am Qui-Gon Jinn. I'm looking for my Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi. Tonight is not our night to meet here, but I'm afraid we got separated after the fanfic writers cut his Padawan braid off again."

"How did you escape?" Olivia asked, thinking the tall, handsome man didn't look like he'd been fighting off fanfic writers. Although there did seem to be a trace of lipstick on his collar...

"I've learned that if you just allow them to have their way, eventually you end up all right in the end. Usually with a girl" Then he grinned. "Hopefully it's a girl. I dislike the ones where I end up with Obi-Wan, or even Yoda." His eyes twinkled with amusement.

The two women glanced at each other. "Very accommodating of you," Alex said, lowering her weapon. Olivia did the same. "We found your--Padawan was it? He's in with the Law and Order branch of the VHCF. You're welcome to accompany us, if you like."

They walked back along the hall to room 1104. "These room numbers have never made much sense to me," Qui-Gon said. "Didn't we just pass room 814?"

"Yes. I think they change the numbers to something significant for the people inside," Alex offered.

"I see." After a moment, he added softly, "I wonder what significance room 1138 has for my people?"

Alex entered the room first, to make sure her fellow police officers wouldn't shoot the man following her.

"Qui-Gon! You escaped!" Obi-Wan was up and in Qui-Gon's arms in a flash.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "This had better not end up as a slash fic."


End file.
